Why Great Questions Change Lives
At the heart of great coaching is great questions. You know that friend that is great at asking brilliant questions? How does it feel to spend time with them? How do you feel leaving their presence?
I used share lifts with a great question asker - Liz. Her questions had the ability to leave you feeling like you were in control and had the agency to do something about the things that occurred during the day. Not all questions are created equal and reflecting on those commutes to and from work perhaps an essential element of Liz’s question asking was that we agreed on many of the core things about human existence.
It is entirely possible that you know someone that is great at asking lots of questions; or great at asking terrible questions. The wonderful news for us all (even those terrible question askers) is that it is possible to become like Liz, a great question asker.
Three elements that makes Liz great at asking questions:
She genuinely wanted to know - she cared and was curious.
She showed this caring by getting beneath the obvious.
She believed in me and always erred on the possible and the positive.
Something else worth noting is that not everyone has the right to ask certain questions to certain people. We need to earn the right and have the courageous permission from those in our lives and the emotional intelligence in ourselves to know when to ask and when not to ask certain questions.
In the lead up to every coaching session I send the following four questions to clients to reflect on and answer:
1) What is currently going well in my life?
2) What is currently going badly/or where do I feel most emotionally triggered? (Perhaps more than the situation warrants?)
3) Anything else that’s particularly getting my attention?
4) What do I think I most need to lean into next?
These four questions are designed to go beneath the surface and identify the most pressing areas of life that need discussing and acting on.
The reason why great questions change lives is the result they have on the person receiving the questions. I left the commute with encouragement, clarity and next steps. This is why asking great questions is the heart of great coaching and why so much of sessions with me are focused around asking questions.
Reflect:
Who in your life asks you great questions?
How do you feel in their presence?
What can you do to have that positive impact on someone in your life?
